Girl

He looked up at me hopelessly.

“Can’t we talk about this?”

I shook my head resolutely, and that simple gesture looked like it hurt him more than the words that followed.

“I’m sorry, Aaron. I just don’t think I’m ready to be in a committed relationship right now.”

That sounded like bullshit, even to myself. What did I care about commitment? But hell, we’d only been dating for 3 months, and he wouldn’t let me alone.  I couldn’t count how many times I had turned him down.  What else was I supposed to do?  No, Aaron, I’m not ready to have sex.  No, Aaron, I’m not getting my face anywhere near there.  No, Aaron, put your pants back on.  And he made it obvious that it was going to continue to be that way. Might as well break it off before it got be too serious. I almost felt sorry for the guy, but not enough to reconsider.  He turned around and went to rejoin his friends at Starbucks.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a familiar group of girls looking our way intently. Their expressions quickly turned to poorly concealed delight when they saw Aaron’s crestfallen face, and I could tell by the way that they looked at me that this was going to be around the entire school and back by Monday morning. Great. It wasn’t a secret that none of the girls at Carpton High were particularly fond of me.  At least they had one less reason to resent me, now that the most popular boy in school was single.  But I didn’t have time to worry about that now. Flipping open my Razor phone, I scanned my contact list and chuckled, dryly. A grand total of four contacts. I picked the number labeled “Jessica”, and thought briefly that I should probably work on memorizing her phone number. But what was the point? That’s what the list was there for.

Jessica wasn’t like the other girls. She had never dated, and hated partying, but spent most of her spare time in her studio. I had never asked about what she did in there, and she never offered to show me. It was our unspoken agreement. There were other things, too: she didn’t smoke or drink, and loved going hiking. In short, she was like no other girl I’d ever known. And she was my best friend. Go figure.

Her younger brother picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?”  He said breathlessly.

“Yeah, this is Tammy.  I’m looking for your sister.”

“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “Alright.  Just a second, I think she’s getting out of the shower.”

John was 15, and just beginning to go into that awkward teen-aged boy phase.  It was taking me a while to get used to it.  Boys were so weird.  After a few seconds, I heard Jessica on the other end.

“Hey Tammy.  Are you ready?”

“Yeah.  I’ll be over there in ten minutes.  Make sure you’re dressed by the time I get there, I’m not gonna wait for half an hour like last time.”

I rolled my eyes.  Jess was very…colorblind when it came to her clothes.  Everything had to clash, from the underwear up.  She knew it made me uncomfortable, and I could tell she was making an effort, for my sake.  But I swear, if it weren’t for me, that girl would shop at thrift stores for the rest of her life.

“Alright then, see you soon.”

We’d been planning for this day for weeks now.  A few of my actual friends (from my old middle school) were throwing a party celebrating the upcoming graduation, and after several pathetic phone conversations, I’d finally managed to convince Jessica to come.  It was gonna be awesome.  Or so I hoped.

Ten minutes later, and I was pulling into her driveway.  I parked next to her family’s old Volkswagen, but stayed in the car.  I was nervous, and wasn’t sure why.  I just hoped that she had decided to wear something decent, and not her usual…well, I just hoped she would wear something proper for once.  I didn’t want to have to deal with all my friends teasing her, like they usually did.  I had explicitly told them to keep their opinions to themselves, just this once.  I wanted her to have fun.

She answered the door in a towel.  I blushed and looked away.  Should have expected that one.

“Come in!” she gestured towards the living room. “I’ll be down in a jiffy.”

She ran upstairs, and I flopped down on the couch and looked around the room.  Pictures lined the walls, mostly of Jess.  There she was, back in seventh grade, putting up a tent.  I smiled, remembering that night, and how much it had rained.  We had stayed up telling each-other secrets. That was the first time I had ever told anyone about my fear of (“Don’t laugh!”) monkeys.  She had laughed anyway, and I had laughed with her.  Then there were the school pictures.  It never ceased to amaze me how much she had changed from a gawky, pimply, wraith of a girl, to what she was now: tall and curvy, with long, curly red hair and large green eyes.  There was no hint of her old clumsiness, she moved like a dancer, smooth and sure.  She was the most beautiful girl I had ever known, though I never would have told her as much.  I touched my short, brown hair longingly.  If only…

The soft tread of her feet pulled me out of my reverie.

“What do you think?”

I looked up, and gaped.

Her face fell. “You don’t like it.”

“No, no!” I responded,  hastily. “You looked great!”  And she did look great.  She looked…normal.  I could tell she had gone shopping that morning: the baggy levis and southpole cap were obviously new, and I’d seen the sweatshirt in a Sears catalogue.  She looked at me, doubtfully.

” Are you sure?  They feel so…tight.”

“That’s because they are tight, dummy.  ‘s how they’re supposed to be.”  But my voice rang false.  From the expression on her face, I could tell she had heard it too.  I assured myself that I just needed to get used to it, but something in the back of my mind told me otherwise.  The clothes didn’t do her justice.  They covered too much, like they were trying to smother her.   But I shook my head, and tried again, more convincingly:

“You look perfect.  Now lets get out of here before it gets to be late.”  It was only six o’clock, and the party started at eight.  She looked at me, quizzically.

“Are you okay?  You seem kinda distracted.”